Birth Story - Part 1

{I am finally writing this birth story 11 months after Jackson was born.  I finally have the strength and I think this story should be written and shared with anyone it can help, but mostly this is for my son.  This is a love letter to you, Jackson Allen.  You are worth everything I have, even my life, and if I could do it all over again, I would go through all the pain to give you life.  You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.}
 
I hate, hate, hate for Jackson' birth story to be filled with so many negative things, but this is the truth & this is what we went through.  We were instantly madly in love with our son, but the pain and exhaustion dominated those first few days.  Jackson was a perfect baby, and I couldn't ask for a better child.  He was and is my precious gift from God.  But, if I am being honest, his birth story isn't sweet and full of puppies and rainbows.  It was traumatic, and I feel like my story needs to be heard.  I wrote the first part of his birth story, re-read it, and realized that it is written very abruptly and frankly, but I think that is the only way I can write it.  It is too hard for me to be emotional about those days, because once I give in to that emotion, it is hard to tame.  So here it is...the facts. 

My pregnancy was difficult from the very beginning  I had hypermesis, which is severe nausea and vomiting until I was 28 weeks pregnant.  I was hospitalized 3 times and lost 16 lbs.  I'm not very big.  5'2 120, so that was a lot of weight for me.  I ended up on home healthcare with a Zofran pump running into my belly.  

I'm telling you this because at around 32-34 weeks, I started packing on the pounds.  40 to be exact, and I was SO swollen, out of breath, exhausted.  It was crazy to go from one extreme to the other.  I complained a lot to my ob and was pretty much told that I was being dramatic and this is all part of pregnancy.  I was also diagnosed with anemia.

I went into pre-term labor at 33 weeks.  It was stopped somewhat with a shot and some iv meds, but I continued to have contractions, struggle to breathe and complain.  At 37 weeks 5 days, I went in to the hospital for decreased fetal movement and contractions per orders by my OB the night before.  She then decided to take the day off which was my biggest blessing.  I cried to the nurse and OB on call and he said he trusted my gut instinct that something was wrong and induced me right then.  I also had high blood pressure during this time.  I know that factored into the on call ob's decision to induce, but I really can't remember any of that anymore.  I later found out that I had un-diagnosed preeclampsia. 

Jack's birth was dramatic to say the least, I got an epideral and spinal block neither of which worked, labored for 18 hours, pushed for 3.  He was stuck on my pubic bone and the Dr. decided to do a c-section.  I ended up having to be put to sleep because neither epideral or spinal block worked and I could feel them as they were getting ready to cut my tummy open.  They were quite shocked when I announced once again that I could feel that, even after his secretive swipe across my belly with the opposite end of the scalpel. 
 I woke up 3 hours after Jack was born and held him.  He was perfect. 

I was so disoriented and overall upset.  I was balling when I was put to sleep, and I woke up still consumed with fear.  I am still upset about the fact that I missed those first three hours of his life.  I never heard his first cry, and all of our family saw him (through the nursery window) before I ever saw him. I felt horrible, horrible, horrible, but I had never had surgery before, so I thought this was just how it was.  I continued to swell...a lot.  This was taken one day post-partum.  I accidentally got my leg/foot in the picture.

I was told that I had a hemoglobin of a 6. I asked my ob (who had returned on Monday) what I should do. She said if it was her, she would just take the iron supplements and not do the blood transfusion because of the risk. I would have usually googled, but I was just so exhausted that I didn't. I followed her advice, and went home on Tuesday. I later found out that it is hospital protocol to transfuse at a hemoglobin of 8, and my cardiologist was shocked that I could even stand, let alone go home and nurse and care for a newborn.

I went home and thought I had bronchitis because I was struggling so much to breathe. I called my ob's office. The nurse advised me to get some over the counter meds, and told me it's normal to be so exhausted. I continued to swell up with pitting edema of around 16-20 seconds. 

My sweet boy.